Daunting

To dare to dream is merely effort.
​At what point does one decide to accept the truth everyone else sees but you? 
Delusional has been used to define me.
I must admit I don’t disagree.
What could possibly be rewarded to a girl like me?
Should I part my lips, unglue my tongue, and accept defeat? 
I’ve never been known to give up,
especially easily. ​
​
by Jessica G Ferrer
​JGF July 2, 2023 12:37am PT

Hopeless

Leaning in toward her reflection, she made an attempt to pull her out of the spiral she’d been under. Chaos was the narrative living in her mind. Inside there was no relief. She searched outward, but all she could hear was a stranger’s monologue, “what you need…” She didn't want to just be heard, she wanted to be helped, but help wasn’t helping. It was merely a finger pointing in another direction. One she’d already ran, walked, crawled. She looked up and wondered what she was to do next. A crush for those around her would be her relief. Avoidant, she sat still, eyes closed and hopeless. 

She waited. 

By Jessica G Ferrer
JGF February 19, 2023, 1:28pm PT 

She Her Brain

She clawed her nails into her neck hard enough to feel, but soft enough to avoid the ripping of her skin. She banged her head against the wall with great restraint. Even as she fought against the thoughts that crawled within her mind, they learned to walk, paved new paths and settled. 

She held her hands up as if pretending to be a monster, hands tight and nearly immobile. She would tense every muscle in her body simultaneously and all together. She’d hold still in self-inflicted paralysis so she could save herself from poor decisions. She rescued herself from further injuries and from that which she feared she would one day no longer control. 

She was confused. She was lost. She felt alone, dismissed, and misunderstood. She knew herself well enough to know something inside her had changed. She was beginning to feel far from within reach. Her cries began to penetrate the walls. Her bursts of anger began to socialize. The emotions took form and verbalized into action. Though she felt shame they were no longer shy.

Was this a journey into a loss of mind? 

It began slowly, consuming her. When she approached the reflection in the mirror, she felt frightened. A stranger looked back at her, mirroring her every movement, but the eyes… They were different. 
by Jessica G Ferrer
​JGF February 12, 2023 8:01pm PT

Books

Enclosed lie the ideas
of the minds that needed to speak
A place to let go
A form of therapy 
Impressed onto sheets 

The consciousness that needed freedom
The stories that needed a home
They found company
They are no longer alone

The receiver gives
The giver receives
A place to coexist 
Without ever having to meet 
       letters, words, sentences, paragraphs, 
      emotions, thoughts, ideas, desires
      parables, essays, poetry, 
     stories
Enclosed, but welcoming
Always welcoming ​

by Jessica G Ferrer
JGF February 18, 2023 3:31pm PT

Dear Dad

My heart bleeds,
both of sorrow and joy,
for I had you shortly,
but I loved you fully.


I hold on to the unpictured memories.
I sit with the prints that nearly perfectly
tell the story of us.


I came from you.
I am of you.
I carry you in me,
and I keep you with me.


Until then, I say.
Farewell,
my beloved green-eyed man.


I love you, Dad.
Jessica
JGF February 24, 2024 8:10pm PT

The Woman Through the Window, Spectator's View

Through the window was a woman who sat alone with her dinner. Her thoughts appeared to have power over her. Her movement. Her gaze. It was enthralling. She had no phone in sight. Not a book, not a paper. It was just her, her food, her company. I wondered what her mind had to say if anything at all. I was drawn to her. I saw a woman who had lived, who knew pain and survived. 

As an artist, I am ever-evolving, and as of late, I am enamored by the complexities of the human condition. Pain, sadness, joy, play, awareness, unawareness, and misunderstanding, all compel me because they encompass what it is to be human. An observer, I see stories everywhere. Some are nearly impossible to decipher, but my mind tells them anyway. 
Picture
image by Abimael Linares
We share the world, but we live our lives separately. Our thoughts can be shared, but many we choose to hold silently. We cross each other on the streets without a glance, ignoring each other’s presence. We share the commonality that we are part of the same race. We live on the same planet, and yet we are strangers to each other. Close and distant, while we hold curiosities we behave indifferently. Groups create the division in which we settle into without knowing the other end or even becoming aware of the in-between.  

By capturing others, though our words might never meet, I am witness to their moments. I am part of it, in some way, and thus I feel less alone. ​
​
by Jessica G Ferrer
JGF February 6, 2023